winning smart ass answers of 2005

[Captain Obvious]

#5 Smart Ass Answer
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check
tickets.

As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he
opened his trench coat and flashed at her.

Without missing a beat....she said, "Sir, I need to see your
ticket not your stub."

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#4 Smart Ass Answer

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery
store, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock
boy,

"Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

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#3 Smart Ass Answer

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for
speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the
cop said

The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When
the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a
ticket.

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#2 Smart Ass Answer

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up
that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right
ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for
miles.

Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and
walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck,
huh?"

The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran
out of gas."


#1 SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR



A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.

"Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here
tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal
injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no
other excuses whatsoever!"

A smart ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked,
"What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and
utter sexual exhaustion?"

The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When
silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shaking her
head and sweetly said "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with
your other hand."

[coupe]

cool mate