The AUSubaru.com.au Forums

1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It.

2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way, Unique Up On It.

3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
They Take The Psycho Path

4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It.

5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
Dam!

6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
Polaroid's

7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
A Stick

8.. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese.


9.. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quattro Sinko..

11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk.

12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
Frostbite.

13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck.

14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef.

15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.

16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers.

17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Dog.

18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
Sanka.

19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover?
The Location Of The Dirt Bag.

20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.

21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?
A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!
A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.

22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?
Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer

Jan

hahahah some good giggles there

that reminded me of my 3yr old cousins joke...

how do u catch a rabbit?
stand behind a tree and make carrot noises...

alex

hahahm some r pritty good

If only i could remember some of these... had a good chuckle.

Cheers

i got a couple of lame jokes to add.

what's white and swings through the trees?
a refrigerator.

what's black and white and swings through the trees?
a refrigerator wearing a suit jacket.

what has six legs and runs around a paddock?
a ram doing a ewie.

i know, sorry.

What's white and runs through the jungle?

A refrigurator.


What's white, green, tan, brown and runs through the jungle?

A refrigurator in camoflague.


What's grey and follows it?

It's power cord.


What's brown and green, has six legs, lives in trees and could kill you if it fell on you?

Pool table

Why'd the koala fall out of the tree?

It was dead.


Why'd the second koala fall out of the tree?

It was on the back of the first one


Why'd the third koala fall out of the tree?

Peer Pressure.


Whats the difference between a black baby and a white baby?

5 minutes in the microwave.


Whats black and taps on the window?

Baby in a microwave.


Whats blue and yellow and sits on the bottom of a pool?

Baby with slashed floaties.


What's pink, red and yellow and floats on water?

Slashed baby with floaties


Whats the difference between a truck load of babies and truck load of rice?

You can't unload a truck load of rice with a pitch-fork.


Hope this fulfills your sick joke needs for today, if not, well, i'm not going to post that joke about the paraplegic in a house fire...

Cheers

geez sum of them are hell sick!

alex

yes but o-so funny :P

the peer pressure one made me laugh.

Ahh!

Growing up we learned the koala joke this way

The first was dead, the second was strapped to the first ones back, the third was hit by the first two and the fourth jumped from peer pressure!

Also....
Why did the plane crash????
.....
.....
......
........
..........
.............
The pilot was a tomato...

Touching Elephant Story - Elephants don't forget.
>
>
>This is an amazing and heart warming story;
>
>In 1986, Mkele Mbembe was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from
>Northwestern University .
>On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant
>standing with one leg raised in the air.
>
>The elephant seemed distressed, so Mbembe approached it very carefully.
>
>He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot, and found a
>large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.
>
>As carefully and as gently as he could, Mbembe worked the wood out with
>his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.
>The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on
>its face, stared at him for several tense moments.
>
>Mbembe stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled.
>
>Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned and walked away.
>
>Mbembe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
>
>Twenty years later, Mbemb was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his
>teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the
>creatures turned and walked over to near where Mbembe and his son were
>standing.
>
>The large bull elephant stared at Mbembe, lifted its front foot off the
>ground, then put it down.
>
>The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while
>staring at the man.
>
>Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mbembe couldn't help wondering if
>this was the same elephant.
>
>Mbembe summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his
>way into the enclosure.
>
>He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.
>
>The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Mbembe's
>legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.
>
>Probably wasn't the same elephant

Jan

A female dwarf goes to a doctor complaining of an embarrassing itch in the groin area.
The doctor looks her up and down, picks her up and stands her on his desk.

He lifts up her skirt and puts his head under. A little perplexed, she hears snip, snip, snip, snip.

The doctor emerges from under her skirt.

"How's that?"

"Well, it's a lot better actually, but.......it's still there."

Undaunted, he dives back under her skirt.

Snip, snip, snip, snip. Out he comes.

"How's that?" he asks again more confident.

That's wonderful! What did you do?"



I trimmed the top of your Ugg boots."

hahahahahahaah.


NOTHIN better than dwarf jokes.

A woman goes to her doctor's office,to discuss a strange development. She has discovered a green spot on the inside of each thigh.
They won't wash off, they won't scrape off, and they seem to be getting worse.
The doctor assures her he'll get to the bottom of the problem, and tells her not to worry until he gets the tests back.

A few days later, the woman's phone rings. Much to her relief, it's the doctor.
She immediately begs to know what's causing the spots.
The doctor says, "You're perfectly healthy--there's no problem. But 'm wondering, is your boyfriend a Harley guy?"
The woman stammers, "Why, Yes, but how did you know!?!"

"Tell him his earrings aren't real gold."
*****************************************************************************************

Ray, an old retired sailor, puts on his old uniform and
heads for the docks once more, for old times sake. He engages a
prostitute and takes her up to a room.
He's soon going at it as well as he can for a guy his
age, but needing some reassurance, he asks, "How am I doing?"
The prostitute replies, "Well Ray, old sailor, you're
doing about three knots."

"Three knots?' he asks. ' What's that supposed to mean?"
She says, "You're knot hard, you're knot in, and you're knot getting
your money back."
*****************************************************************************************************
THE BEST BLONDE JOKE I HAVE HEARD IN YEARS

To prepare for his big date, a young man went to the rooftop of his apartment building to work on his tan.
Not wanting any tan lines, he sunbathed in the nude.
Unfortunately, he fell asleep and sunburnt his Willy.
Being very determined, he decided not to miss his date with the hot blonde, so he put some ointment on the beast and wrapped it in gauze.
The young man's date, a beautiful blonde, showed up at his apartment for the promised home cooked meal, and was treated to a feast.
After they finished with the dinner they went into the living room to watch a movie.
During the movie, the young man's sunburn began to hurt.
After several minutes of extreme discomfort he asked to be excused.

A friend had told him that milk was very effective in reducing sunburn pain.
So he went to the kitchen, poured a tall glass of cold milk, and placed his sunburned Willy into the milk. He experienced immediate relief.
The blonde, wondering what the young man was doing, wandered into the kitchen and found him with his "Willy" immersed in the glass of milk.

With a look of understanding the Blonde exclaimed,

"SO, THAT'S HOW YOU RELOAD THOSE THINGS"

AUSTRALIAN GENEROSITY

An earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale has hit Lebanon. Two million Lebanese have died and over a million are injured. The country is totally ruined and the government doesn't know where to start with providing help to rebuild.

The rest of the world is in shock........United States is sending troops to help.

Saudi Arabia is sending oil. Latin American countries are sending supplies.

The European community (except France) is sending food and money.

The Australians, not to be outdone, are sending two million replacement Lebanese.

God Bless Our Aussie generosity.

Suparoo wrote:AUSTRALIAN GENEROSITY

An earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale has hit Lebanon. Two million Lebanese have died and over a million are injured. The country is totally ruined and the government doesn't know where to start with providing help to rebuild.

The rest of the world is in shock........United States is sending troops to help.

Saudi Arabia is sending oil. Latin American countries are sending supplies.

The European community (except France) is sending food and money.

The Australians, not to be outdone, are sending two million replacement Lebanese.

God Bless Our Aussie generosity.

sorry but....HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

alex

how do u make a dog drink?

put it in the blender..

alex

90subiewgn wrote:sorry but....HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

alex

ditto to that alex


tristan

Found another one

I think his name is Bruce


Gay flight attendant

Airline’s passenger cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone into a good mood as he served them food and drinks.
As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and announced to the passengers, “Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he’ll be landing the big scary plane shortly, lovely people, so if you could just put up your trays that would be super.” On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that a well-dressed rather exotic looking woman hadn’t moved a muscle. “Perhaps you didn’t here me over those big brute engines. I asked you to raise your trazy-poo so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground.” She calmly turned her head and said, “In my country, I am called a princess. I take orders from no one.” To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, “Well sweet-cheeks, in my country , I’m called a queen, so I out rank you. Tray- up bitch.”

two antenna's got married, the wedding was crap, but the reception was great!

alex