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These two guys meet after not having seen each other for many, many years.

First guy asks the second guy,How have things been going?

The second guy speaking very slowly tells the first guy,

I w..a..s a..l..m..o..s..t m..a..r..r..i..e..d.

The first guy says in amazement, Hey, you don't stutter any more.

The answer comes, Y..e..s, I w..e..n..t t..o a

d..o..c..t..o..r a..n..d h..e t..o..l..d m..e

t..h..a..t i..f I s..p..e..a..k s..l..o..w..l..y

I w..i..l..l n..o..t s..t..u..t..t..e..r.

The first friend congratulates him and than asks again about how he was almost married.

W..e..l..l, m..y f..i..a..n..c..e..e a..n..d I w..e...r..e

s..i..t..t..i..n..g o..n h..e..r p..o..r..c..h a..n..d

t..h..e d..o..g w..a..s s..c..r..a..t..c..h..i..n..g

h..i..s b..a..c..k a..n..d I t..o..l..d h..e..r

t..h..a..t w..h..e..n w..e a..r..e m..a..r..r..i..e..d,

s..h..e c..a..n d..o t..h..a..t f..o..r m..e. A..n..d

t..h..e..n.. s..h..e t..h.r..e..w t..h..e r..i...n..g i..n m..y f..a..c..e.

Why should she throw the ring in your face for that? asks the first friend.

W..e..l..l, I s..p..e..a..k s..o s..l...o..w..l..y,

t..h..a..t b..y t..h..e t..i..m..e s..h..e

l..o..o..k..e..d a..t t..h..e d..o..g, h...e

w..a..s l..i..c..k..i..n..g h..i..s b..a..l..l..s!

hahahhaa. funny ****, quote errors made it a bit hard to read but, i enjoyed it



davo

Sorry about that, it was a C&P job.

Aussie Poem

The sun was hot already - it was only 8 o'clock
The cocky took off in his Ute, to go and check his stock.
He drove around the paddocks checking wethers, ewes and lambs,
The float valves in the water troughs, the windmills on the dams

He stopped and turned a windmill on to fill a water tank
And saw a ewe down in the dam, a few yards from the bank.
"Typical bloody sheep," he thought, "they've got no common sense,
"They won't go through a gateway but they'll jump a bloody fence."

The ewe was stuck down in the mud, he knew without a doubt
She'd stay there 'til she carked it if he didn't get her out.
But when he reached the water's edge, the startled ewe broke free
And in her haste to get away, began a swimming spree.
He reckoned once her fleece was wet, the weight would drag her down
If he didn't rescue her, the stupid sod would drown.
Her style was unimpressive, her survival chances slim
He saw no other option, he would have to take a swim.

He peeled his shirt and singlet off, his trousers, boots and socks
And as he couldn't stand wet clothes, he also shed his jocks.
He jumped into the water and away that cocky swam
He caught up with her, somewhere near the middle of the dam

The ewe was quite evasive, she kept giving him the slip
He tried to grab her sodden fleece but couldn't get a grip.
At last he got her to the bank and stopped to catch his breath
She showed him little gratitude for saving her from death.

She took off like a Bondi tram around the other side
He swore next time he caught that ewe he'd hang her bloody hide.
Then round and round the dam they ran, although he felt quite puffed
He still thought he could run her down, she must be nearly stuffed.

The local stock rep came along, to pay a call that day.
He knew this bloke was on his own, his wife had gone away,
He didn't really think he'd get fresh scones for morning tea
But neither was he ready for what he was soon to see

He rubbed his eyes in disbelief at what came into view
For running down the catchment came this frantic-looking ewe.
And on her heels in hot pursuit and wearing not a stitch
The farmer yelling wildly "Come back here, you lousy bitch!"

The stock rep didn't hang around, he took off in his car
The cocky's reputation has been damaged near and far
So bear in mind the Work Safe rule when next you check your flocks
Spot the hazard, assess the risk, and always wear your jocks!

Brilliantly put together Bryan1.

Why did the scare crow get an award?


Cos he was outstanding in his field..


I do apologise for that haha

Want to do a dumb test?




What colour is the sky?

If you said blue, then correct


Now what colour is the grass?

If you said green, then well done.. 2 out of 2


And what colour are the clouds?

If you said white, then you are awesome at this.. 3 out of 3


Now what was the first question I asked you??
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

If you said, what colour was the sky.. then you have failed the dumb test

Borrowed this from dirtyRU on ORS.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/burnred/the-25- ... -2011-281t

Warning, adults only...

So funny, had tears lol

i just thought of a joke......the indian cricket team hahaha

Alex wrote:i just thought of a joke......the Indian cricket team hahaha

Not so long ago that was us

I know we had 3 century makers but half our score came from 1 guy, also it provided a steadying influence & created a tremendously positive attitude. If it hadnt been for a stellar performance from M.Clarke they may have won!

My fav on the auto corrects is number 18, So funny.

Outback bloke wrote:[font=&quot]...If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala ...[/font]

Well, I Live in Honduras! ... and I have Family in Australia.

RSR 555 wrote:

Well that is no good, the link is there but the site won't let you hot link to it

TOONGA

TOONGA wrote:Well that is no good, the link is there but the site won't let you hot link to it

I'm glad I'm not the only one!

Cheers

Bennie

With a little search engine trickery I'm pretty sure I've found the picture, and hosted it in my album



TOONGA

TOONGA wrote:Well that is no good, the link is there but the site won't let you hot link to it

TOONGA

It's showing on mine and even on your reply to mine. Weird

I guess I'm just special

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran
into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her
lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"

The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or
mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."