Now I thought I'd get it over and done with with my mates, but after telling most of them nearly a week ago I'm still copping flak. Best I get it out here ASAP then

1st thing that blew my mates away: It's not a Subaru
2nd thing that blew them away: It's going to remain dead stock
How can I say it will remain stock? My sedan was going to stay stock... it didn't. In fact no car I've ever had has remained stock - even when loaning my sister's Liberty I've gone and put rims on it! The simple fact is, there's no temptation at all.
The car in question has zero potential for genuine mods. It has all of 80Kw and puts this power down through the wrong wheels. It has ABS, EBD and brake-assist, so for all the fact it doesn't go it certainly stops. It comes stock with an MP3 stereo and 4 fairly decent speakers, I sure won't ask for more there. It has electric power steering: no messy pump failures to deal with. It has power windows, power mirrors, air con and remote central locking. Best part is that every morning it will start first turn of the key, and I'll probably forget where the bonnet release lever is.
Scroll down to see it in all it's ugly glory:

Oh the shame.... if anyone wants me I'll be in the bathroom eating tulips.