Problems with people.... (wedding)

AlpineRaven · Post by **AlpineRaven** » Tue Jan 06, 2009 10:09 pm

Hey all,
As we're getting married in March this year, we're having a small wedding and going to send out invites this week.. The problems we're getting into are -

1) My fiance's work mates - in her department there is 11 people, we simply cannot invite them all... what do you do about it?

2) Reception is strictly family only and VERY close friends ie. childhood friends & very close parent's friends & friends who we see and they come to us.. we're inviting them, but we're not inviting our "not everyday friends/friends every now again ie. see them like hardly/once/twice a year or more" - how can we say...... "you're welcome to the church as its open invite but reception is family only..." is there a gentle or softer way to say? even friends as we do not want to hurt their feelings as if they're thinking that we're gonna invite them???

3) Family - there is 3 members who has partners (2 of mine and 1 of my fiance's, I haven't meet 2 of them, but the 3rd person (brief story - he is divorced and he has numerous of "girlfriends" then dumps them and gets new one (in 5 yrs since divorce he had 9 girlfriends), he has a girlfriend at the moment but we do know that he is gonna dump her, the truth is we can't afford to have her at the reception when he is gonna dump her next week and we lost $77 for nothing!) and other 2 people - i haven't meet them and they never turn up to our family functions - just a lame excuses "oh have other things to do or i have other commitments" blah.... at the moment we're not inviting them but our parents aren't happy......... we said this is our wedding not yours... ->> to resolve what can we do?

Thanks for your help guys..
Cheers
AP

ian059 · Post by **ian059** » Tue Jan 06, 2009 11:02 pm

AP, number 3 sounds like my brother. Don't invite him he's a drunk.

But seriously, if you can't afford to invite your "part time" friends and workmates, DON"T.
With regard to the other 2, don't let $144 come between you and your relationship with your parents. Money comes and goes, but your parents should be more important. Would you baulk at spending $144 on a very special gift for them?

Regards,
IanC

Storm · Post by **Storm** » Wed Jan 07, 2009 5:11 am

I think you should stick to your guns, if your parents aren't happy then they need a reality check. Your a grown man who is getting married, its YOUR day not theirs.

I don't think there is an easy way to invite people to the wedding service but not to the reception. My take on that would be only invite the people who get to see the whole thing food and all. If you do have 2 invite groups (i.e. wedding only, and wedding + reception you need to state very clearly on the invite what the invitation is to). Maybe you could have 2 invitation cards, blue for wedding, pink for wedding + reception.

sven '2' · Post by **sven '2'** » Wed Jan 07, 2009 6:30 am

Look at this way

This moment in your life is a opportunity to set up how as a couple you will move fwd...who in a few years time will you still be seeing? Who will be there for you (both) when times are tough? Wife's 11 workmates? Unlikely

Think everyone who marries has people that fall by the wayside for a variety of reasons. I would keep it small, personal and relevant.

If people are put out about not receiving an invite, says more about them rather than a young couple making a start in life...remembering it is your day and life, not theirs!

Rather than having a sad attack, understand weddings are a tough gig, and wish you and your wife all the best, regardless if they are there on the big day or not. Conversely, these are the people you would want in your life!

No passengers!

Goodluck and congrats

Sven

brumbee · Post by **brumbee** » Wed Jan 07, 2009 10:53 am

we had an afternoon tea with a small speech after the ceremony and then a reception for close friends and family. worked well

Portzy · Post by **Portzy** » Wed Jan 07, 2009 11:06 am

brumbee wrote:we had an afternoon tea with a small speech after the ceremony and then a reception for close friends and family. worked well

That is a top idea^^^^ we just could not simply afford to invite every joe blow.... and lets face it, you missus's work mates would not be coming if she did not work there!!!

Seriously, the people you do not invite will know how much the big day costs. Just dont invite them.... trust me you will have too much to worry about on the day without having to stress about cash and upsetting people.... You cant afford it, it's that simple.

In hind sight I invited a few part time friends to the reception when we got married in march last year (including their partners) and we have not seen or heard from them since the wedding....

Brian

dwayneb · Post by **dwayneb** » Wed Jan 07, 2009 12:54 pm

You could always annoy everybody, and just elope.

But what ever you do, just enjoy the day, don't let the pressure get to you, and your soon to be wife.

Post by **yarney** » Wed Jan 07, 2009 7:06 pm

Wow some good ideas there.

Stick to the people you like and people you have to invite (family) not the bloke with all the girlfriends.
And work mates i don't think they will mind if they don't, they will get over it soon enough.
We had 45 people at our wedding (quite small) there would be 11 or 12 that we haven't seen since, family included

The money that you save from not inviting them will go toward a holiday or a house, every bit helps.
Hope you work it out and have the best time at the wedding.

PS don't go over board on all trims or photographers, get a friend with a good camera you only look at photos once in a while.

Jan

AlpineRaven · Post by **AlpineRaven** » Wed Jan 07, 2009 7:38 pm

Thank you for good comments above - it has cleared up a lot here, yeah we're having 60 people - 47 of them is family & 13 are friends... in our cocktail party at the reception, didnt want sitdown meal because everyone sits down and not move, whereabouts we will be standing up (also will have chairs provided) and be able to move around outdoors and indoors and a few speeches.

I also agree abt workmate issues, I've had same problem here since engagement party - friends who came, never or hardly get in touch and i'm always going there but they never come to us so i'm not inviting them and yes they'll get over it after a while..

Cheers
AP

subybrumby · Post by **subybrumby** » Wed Jan 07, 2009 8:56 pm

Mate this probably sounds a bit weird but!!!

I have been to two weddings recently and the account for your meal was included in the wedding invite. If you didn't pay for your feed, you didn't go. Probably a sign of the times. People went and I don't think anyone was offended by it. Money had to be in weeks before so the caterers knew and no present was asked for because of the situation. Some gave presents anyway.
Big crowd too.

Post by **Captain Obvious** » Wed Jan 07, 2009 8:57 pm

AP im in the same boat with my inlawa, inviting people ive never meet before, but they are paying so i cant be picking, also with the workmate thing just invite/ tell them they are welcome to the ceremony only, same with the friends maybe??

ian059 · Post by **ian059** » Wed Jan 07, 2009 9:34 pm

subybrumby wrote:Mate this probably sounds a bit weird but!!!

I have been to two weddings recently and the account for your meal was included in the wedding invite. If you didn't pay for your feed, you didn't go. Probably a sign of the times. People went and I don't think anyone was offended by it. Money had to be in weeks before so the caterers knew and no present was asked for because of the situation. Some gave presents anyway.
Big crowd too.

Not so weird. I've been to the same kind of wedding and also did the same for my daughters 16th birthday at Sizzlers. Plenty of friends there who had to pay and were asked not to bring presents, but did anyway.